The Age of Reason Revisited

By Lewis Napper from Mississippi (cir. 1993)

"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, deluded, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone ? not just you! You may leave the room, change the channel, or express a different opinion, but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. It would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. Sure, all of us want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which, by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

If you agree, we strongly urge you to forward this to as many people as you can. No, you don't have to, and nothing tragic will befall you should you not forward it. We just think it is about time common sense is allowed to flourish - call it: "The Age of Reason Revisited."

'Twas the Night Before Christmas - Legal Version

Author Unknown

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

Respectfully Submitted,
s./ The Grinch

For My Democratic Friends ...

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for him or her, or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

For My Republican Friends:

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

[Author Unknown]

Teen Brother and Sister Raise $1 Million For Our Soldiers

By John D. Banusiewicz
American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, Oct. 20, 2006 - A brother-and-sister team that has raised more than $1 million to provide pre-paid calling cards for deployed servicemembers shared the spotlight in Baltimore Oct. 17 with fellow recipients of the 2006 National Caring Awards, sponsored by the Caring Institute.

Brittany Bergquist, 15, and her brother, Robbie, 14, were honored for "Cell Phones for Soldiers," an effort they've spearheaded for the last two and a half years from their family's home in Norwell, Mass.

The Caring Institute is a nonprofit organization that promotes the values of caring, integrity, and public service, according to the organization's Web site. Among this year's other National Caring Award winners are the Rev. Billy Graham and baseball great Cal Ripken Jr.

Though the honor is gratifying, Brittany said, the attention it's bringing to Cell Phones for Soldiers is what's really important.

"The fact that we were able to be there at all -- around so many influential people and able to hear the stories of the other recipients -- was just incredible," she said. "It's great to be recognized for what we do, but when that happens, it means more people know about Cell Phones for Soldiers, and that's what matters the most. As more people know about the program, more people donate, and that means more calling cards for the soldiers."

The teenagers said they received a great deal of attention at the gala - Ripken even made a special trip to their table to express his admiration for their work - but they were most surprised at the attention they received the next day as they made their way through Baltimore-Washington International Airport for their flight home.

"We must have been recognized by at least 15 people," Brittany said. "They'd stop and ask us if we were the Cell Phones for Soldiers kids they'd seen at the dinner, and they'd say how much they admire what we do."

Robbie said he's thankful that he and his sister received the National Caring Award, and he echoed Brittany's hope that the honor will mean more deployed servicemembers will be able to receive pre-paid calling cards through their program.

"It was great to be up there getting an award that has gone to so many great people doing such important things," he said. "And it was nice to hear so many people telling us that what we're doing is important."

Cell Phones for Soldiers began in April 2004, when Brittany and Robbie saw a television news story about a deployed soldier who had run up a huge cell phone bill calling his family from Iraq. They pooled their own money, sought donations from friends, and started an account at a local bank, hoping to raise enough money to pay the soldier's phone bill. The bank even kicked in a donation, and the word spread.

Meanwhile, the cell phone company forgave the soldier's bill, so the teenagers decided to keep up the effort and help as many deployed servicemembers as possible stay in touch with their families and friends at home.

With help from their schoolteacher parents, Bob and Gail, and their sister, Courtney, the siblings have built a network of sponsors and partners both large and small, and have distributed more than 80,000 pre-paid calling cards. They fund the program through direct donations and by collecting and recycling used cell phones, other electronic devices and printer cartridges. They've lined up drop-off centers all over the country, which are listed on the program's Web site.

As successful as their program has been, the siblings want to do more. They're working now with military family support organizations to create a spin-off program called Cell Phones for Returning Heroes. The idea is to provide pre-loaded disposable cell phones to the family groups, which in turn would distribute the phones at airports to servicemembers returning from deployment.

"The troops do so much for all of us," Robbie said. "It shouldn't cost them anything to call home."

The teenagers' selection for the National Caring Award comes with induction into the Hall of Fame for Caring Americans at the Frederick Douglass Museum here.

Cell Phones for Soldiers is a member of the Defense Department's America Supports You program, which highlights efforts by the American people and the nation's corporate sector to support the nation's men and women in uniform.

[Web Version: http://www.defenselink.mil/News/NewsArticle.aspx?ID=1714]

Margaret Thatcher gives her "A-OK" to Mitt Romney, the next President of the United States

Reprinted from NewsMax.com

Sunday, Oct. 15, 2006 10:48 p.m. EDT
Romney Gets Nod From Margaret Thatcher

Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney met Baroness Margaret Thatcher at a Washington think tank last month, a visit that the Times of London is describing as "an unmistakable sign to conservatives that he was 'one of us.'"

"Can you imagine? It was such an extraordinary honour to be able to sit down with her person-to-person," Romney said in his first interview with a British newspaper. "We talked about the condition of the world and I said, "I'm optimistic that we'll overcome these problems," and she paused and said, "We always have."

Thatcher, who was Britain's prime minister during President Reagan's time in office, developed a strong and warm relationship with Reagan and was an important ally of America. Romney is hoping the similarities he shares with Reagan as a popular governor with movie-star good looks, the ability to lead as a conservative in a liberal state, and as an appealing candidate to swing voters, will help him connect with conservatives. His meeting with Thatcher is likely to give him momentum in the right direction.

Romney, chairman of the Republican Governors Association, is generating enormous buzz as the conservative with the best chance of beating Sen. John McCain for the 2008 Republican nomination. When his term in office expires in January, Romney is expected to throw himself helter-skelter into the presidential race.

According to the Times, Romney will have to take more risks to lift his candidacy out of the ordinary. Just as the Democrats are searching for a credible alternative to Clinton, so the Republicans want a candidate who can square up to the heavyweight McCain "an "American hero," in Romney's words, who is certainly "one of the leading contenders."

Romney's ascension will be evident if England's Tories invite him to address next year's party conference McCain attended this year's gathering in Bournemouth.

"I'd love to speak to my conservative colleagues in the mother country," Romney laughed.

President Bush Talks About Protecting America

By Gerry J. Gilmore
American Forces Press Service

WASHINGTON, Oct. 13, 2006 - The most solemn responsibility of the federal government is to protect the American people, and the U.S. government has taken many steps to better protect its people since the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, President Bush said here today.

"Protecting our homeland also requires protecting our seaports," Bush said just before he signed the SAFE Port Act at a Capitol Hill ceremony.

America's seaports are vitally important to the nation's economic health, Bush observed, noting they are the gateways to worldwide trade and commerce.

"Our ports could also be a target of a terrorist attack, and we're determined to protect them," he said.

The new law leverages technology to enhance security at U.S. ports, Bush said. For example, customs inspectors can employ high-tech devices to look inside shipping containers without opening them. The bill also authorizes the use of radiation-detection equipment at 22 of America's busiest ports by the end of 2007, Bush said.

"America has the best technology in the world," Bush said. "And, with this bill, we'll apply that technology to make our ports the safest in the world."

The new legislation also codifies the Container Security Initiative implemented in 2002. That program deploys U.S. customs inspectors to dozens of foreign ports where they screen ship's cargo before it departs for American destinations.

The bill also codified the Customs Trade Partnership Against Terrorism, a joint private/public sector initiative designed to bolster cargo security, Bush said. The program requires private shippers to improve their security measures. Participants receive benefits, such as faster clearance through U.S. ports, in return, Bush said.

In addition, the Domestic Nuclear Detection Office, which guards against terrorists smuggling a nuclear device into America, gets added authority under the new law, the president said.

"All these efforts are smart; they're working; and with this bill, they're here to stay," Bush said.

The SAFE Port Act also tasks the Department of Homeland Security to develop a plan to accelerate the resumption of trade in the event of an attack on U.S. ports or waterways.

"This bill makes clear that the federal government has the authority to clear waterways, identify clean-up equipment, and reestablish the flow of commerce following a terrorist attack," Bush explained. "We'll do everything we can to prevent an attack, but if the terrorists succeed in launching an attack, we'll be ready to respond."

The U.S. government has more than tripled spending on homeland security since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, Bush said. The Department of Homeland Security was established in November 2002, and hundreds of thousands of emergency first responders have been fielded across the country. Security at airports and aboard commercial airliners has been improved. Security at the U.S. borders has been bolstered, Bush noted, and there's added security for bridges, tunnels and other critical infrastructure across America.

"We have a responsibility to protect the homeland, and we're meeting that responsibility," he said.

[Web Version: http://www.defenselink.mil/News/NewsArticle.aspx?ID=1601]

The Constitution is a Bucket of Chicken

By Mistral Rouge, with contributions from Red Writer

Look at and listen to any news story -- print or otherwise -- and the word "right" or "rights" come up a dozen times, whether quoted by a first grade teacher changing the lyrics to "Silent Night, Holy Night," or a pundit yammering about the issue du jour, a politician about the debate du jour, or a Hollywood actor taking front stage at the U.N. for a camera op about any cause that is not American.

The only time I seem to never see these words are in articles, commentaries and interviews with or about the likes of Hugo Chavez, and Alma ... Ahmad ... ah, heck, the Iranian midget trying to pass himself off as a world leader (because he can't pass the height test for rides at Disneyland).

If, by now, you do not know to whom I am referring, please click away from here and go back to either Telemundo or Agence France Presse and read or watch to your heart's delight how "Pass the Buck" Bill Clinton swears that, throughout his administration, he and his goon squad "...had no idea al Qaeda even existed." Of course he had no idea; he was too busy having his ears waxed and his engine lubed by a certain Ms. M. L. Bubba, when are you going to wise up that the American people are not stupid.

I momentarily dirtied my hands mentioning thugs such as Hugo and the midget, because in their respective countries human rights have ceased to exist. [I'm now soaking my digits in alcohol.]

Back in the states, things sometimes don't seem to be any better, thanks to Liberals and their swizzle-stick interpretations of "right" and "rights." There are the rights of terrorists, the rights of alleged perpetrators ("You have the right to remain silent..."), the right to display pornography on the Internet, but not the Ten Commandments on state or federal property (yet, next time you visit the Capitol Building in Washington D.C., please note all ten of the Commandments are chiseled in marble and stone everywhere you look).

I hear about the rights of illegal aliens to march on American soil waving flags that have no connection to me or our Stars & Stripes and demanding the same rights that my ancestors worked for and earned legally to live, eat, and breathe freely as U.S. Citizens. My ancestors did not demand American citizenship. They didn't dare. They had to work for it, and mighty hard at that. Today, cretins from all points of the globe have the unmitigated gall to plant themselves in our terra firma and issue demands for complete amnesty and citizenship after they entered this country illegally. And, thanks again to myopic Liberals, they're going to get it! Amazing, and sad.

I hear the word "rights" in debates, arguments and complaints issued by the ACLU in court when standing in defense of the bad guys, or defending the tearing down of a monument to the Ten Commandments, or eradicating a mini cross (maybe half the size of my thumb) on the state seal of the State of California.

The ACLU are so good at wronging so many rights in the Constitution -- shape-shifting these sacred laws to correspond to their dirty work. They seem to have no conscience when it comes to rending specific laws and articles, like watching a carload of Chavez supporters tearing into a bucket of hot wings, so that only a brittle mainframe remains of what was once a great and majestic ship -- our Constitution -- which was constructed to protect us, which shielded us, and which saved us from treacherous men, ideas and wars.

Today, friends and family acknowledge that they understand my meaning when, about two years ago, I referred to the ACLU as the new millennium Brown Shirts (the Sturmabteilung, the hoodlum Nazi stormtroopers who assisted Adolf Hitler ascend to his reptilian power).

You know where I don't hear the word "rights"? It's not even whispered in connection with the sanctity of the burials of our soldiers. The only visuals that come through clearly are the sordid hordes of protesting marchers waving anti-war banners. These are brazen acts committed by shameless people who are setting rotten examples for their children, and their children's children, and anyone else's children who happen to be looking in that direction.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair was quoted saying, "A simple way to take measure of a country [America] is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out."

To all you brazen, shameless freeloaders, if you don't like it here in America, if you don't like the way the home of the free and the land of the brave is governed, I suggest you all hop a freighter and head down to Venezuela, or over to Iran, where the likes of you will be welcomed with open arms -- then shackles, chains, cattle prods, ...